Body Image - Our Obsession with Perfection

Our Obsession with Perfection

2nd August 2016

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Since the introduction of the internet and social media sites our obsession with perfection is in our faces. Children as young as five are now going on diets and the statistics are shocking:

• 60% of adults report feeling ashamed of the way they look
• 70% of adult women and 40% of adult men report that they have felt pressure from television and magazines to have a perfect body
• 34% of adolescent boys and 49% of girls have been on a diet to change their body shape or to lose weight

It is estimated that roughly two thirds of adults suffer from negative body image. So where does it all begin and how is this being amplified?
We absorb a lot of our body image patterns from our parents or family environment and as children this internalization of our parents has well and truly happened by the age of 6. As women a lot of it comes from watching our mothers, their relationship with food, cooking and how they feel about their bodies. Unfortunately for my generation we were raised on low fat and convenience food and so eating became something to get over and done with instead of a ritual to nurture, provide nutrients and share love as a family. Our relationship with food is something very core to our relationship with our bodies because if you hate your body it’s likely that you will either poison it with toxic foods or just not take the time to love and nurture yourself. Many women have undiagnosed emotional eating patterns that may not result in something as serious as anorexia or bulimia but still become a silent punishing pattern that they carry for many years.

Social media has simply amplified what is already in our culture. Most young women Instagram their lives and because that’s so visual they may spend hours looking at images of other women’s perfect yoga bodies or wishing that they could have that same perfect lifestyle. For some it may be possible but for many it may be out of reach and so as a consequence what they do is reject themselves and therein lies the problem. The same problem exists for young men wanting the perfect six-pack and personal trainer lifestyle. It’s encouraging to see exercise is fashionable but it’s the extremes that are concerning because that’s when it tips into addiction.

In therapy we look at this issue from many angles. Often what you find is a family pattern around food or a history of people commenting, making fun of the way the individual looked. For many this starts at around 5 or 6 and this then forms the earliest memorable pattern of self-rejection. This is as simple as a moment where in my own head I am hard on myself, cancel myself out or reject who I am. This can be due to shame and the beginning of self-loathing and it also creates a cycle of addiction. Shame is often described as a toxic emotion because it chips away at your sense of self from the inside and over a period of time this pattern of self-rejection can become something even worse - self-annihilation. This is experienced in a young people as a feeling of disappearing, disconnecting and at worst suicidal feelings. Due to the shame it this can often be kept hidden but at some point like with all these things it come to the surface to be addressed.

There is a lot I could say about the road to recovery for anyone with body image obsession. Recovery definitely is a gradual process of learning to nurture and care for oneself. It’s also about something so much more than the body – it’s about the gradual realization that I am much more than a physical being and that no matter how beautiful the external it’s the internal beauty and goodness shining out into the world that has so much more value than the external. There are plenty of examples of externally perfect looking people with really troubled lives. I read recently that many of the food bloggers who are promoting healthy eating lifestyles either have or are being treated by eating disorder clinics and so Instagram definitely doesn’t tell the whole story.

I was listening to an interview with Oprah Winfrey and when asked what made her feel vulnerable she said it was her weight and that she is still exploring what it means to be a powerful, successful woman in the world and still have this battle to fight. It goes to show that you can have all the external things and yet still have an Achilles heal. And maybe we all need an Achilles heal or a part of us that isn’t perfect? Often excess weight in healing circles is associated with the need to protect oneself and never has the need to protect oneself been as great as it is today now that we put ourselves out there so much and we are therefore more open to criticism. Children as young as five are playing on Apps on their phones which open them up to criticism from their peers and parents can do very little about it.

Here are some things that could be included in the process of recovery from body obsession:
• With a therapist, becoming aware of the moments when I reject myself, what triggers it and the impact of that and then learning to catch that pattern before I fall down the slippery slope of self-loathing
• Learning to be witnessed in the subsequent shame that can follow that pattern and to allow the hidden feelings to be seen and accepted
• Getting in contact with who I really am at a deep core level and learning to identify with my innate qualities and to find a place inside where I do have feelings of compassion for myself (it’s always in there somewhere)
• Finding strategies to care and nurture my body with delicious food and exercise
• Learning to live a more connected life with my body, relationships and to nature itself. As our bodies are made of the elements actually spending time in nature can be a great healer for those who self-reject
• Group therapy can be enormously helpful with others who suffer with the same issues and hearing how they work on themselves and face particular challenges

A great therapist will also help you explore ways in which you can learn to protect yourself because often this is a skill that was never taught. Our whole society is out of balance in many ways we have an epidemic of disconnection and we identify so heavily with our bodies that we’ve forgotten we are human beings not human bodies. We are beautiful spiritual beings with infinite potential and if we can remember and experience that, it then becomes easier to build a healthier relationship with the miracle of our bodies and to shift our thinking into a more balanced perspective. We can summarise this situation in one sentence – ‘we are out of balance.’ Gradually with the recent shift in the fashion industry to include a variety of images and diversity we are starting to see signs of a new paradigm which I’m hoping will support all of us to embrace everything about us and become great role-models for future generations. Taking care of our bodies is key and so is living a life that ignites our spirit and makes our hearts happy. Fulfillment in life is so much more than looking good – it’s an inside out journey to wholeness not perfection.

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