Coming out of your own closet

New generations want openness, healing and hope

21st January 2017

---

I'm noticing how my idealist values are reflected in the Obamas - their love, their intimacy as a couple and family, their commitment to serving others and above all else their mantra that there is hope and never to lose hope. At the same time in my client work I'm noticing how some people just want to take a pill and for all their troubles to melt away and to just get on with life. All too frequently from more mature clients I hear phrases like 'I don't want to go into that difficult place again' or 'I don't have time to wallow, I just need to get on with my life' or 'I should just pull myself together this is pathetic'.

If you look at the medical model that most of us have grown up with it's no surprise - your Doctor was your therapist and your Guru who gave you the solution and sent you on your way. I'm not against modern medicine at all - in fact it's the first place I would go for a diagnosis however I do believe that our minds and bodies are deeply connected and that you can't heal the body without a shift on an emotional level. The generations before us were deeply suppressed. If you think about the war experience or being a child of parents who went through the war - those generations were the 'Keep calm and carry on' generations and the people who survived, coped and chose to sweep their pain under the carpet because they had no choice and we all carry that legacy in our cells and psyches. Victorian values were all about saving face and doing whatever it took to keep family secrets and make sure that whatever you presented the world was shame free.

However the impact of all of this now is a surge of young people wanting transparency, authenticity and wellbeing. They are not going to settle for dysfunction or living with a secret that eats away at their happiness and self worth. They are not going to allow themselves to be consumed by shame caused my abuse, mental illness or holding the pain of difference. They are demanding the freedom to be themselves and to find solutions to their neurosis not to spend their whole lives pretending to be OK when actually they are not. I'm seeing now a new generation who are interested in 'why they are like they are' and who want to explore their patterns with curiosity and compassion. They are reading up online and in various books about co-dependency, shame, relationships and depression/anxiety because they believe they have a right to wellbeing. They are also doing exercise, yoga, mindfulness and meditation because they want to be fully present to life.

I think to those of us who are in mid-life right now they are setting an example to us, as are the Obamas of what's possible. Psychotherapeutic counselling for me is the space to explore who you are, what's made you the person you are today and to make a vision for what you would like to become. It may not be easy to come out of the closet with your feelings and shame, your secrets, your neurotic patterns, your dysfunction and your dark emotions however it may help to know that absolutely everybody has them. It may not be as obvious with some people who may be masterful at containing and defending against their 'stuff' being seen, however even the most seemingly perfect couples and families have problems and unconscious material bubbling away.

I sense that this chapter in the world is about the toxicity coming to the surface and facing into the things we always hoped we could avoid. If we do this we can free ourselves and future generations from carrying the burdens of family and cultural legacies to the extent that we did. Therapy cannot take away what our ancestors went through before us however it does make things conscious and change the way we relate to ourselves and others and above all else it takes us out of 'victim' mode and into the place where we can bring about positive change. There really is nothing more liberating than living an honest and soulful life, where it's no longer about consuming, quick fixes or looking good but instead it's about compassion, humility and doing the right thing for our planet and human family. What people often don't realise is that there is also an end to therapy and that on average people stay with it for a couple of years and then occasionally dip back into it when they see the need. If you invest in it, you really can become a richer and more genuine human being and it may also be possible to avoid years of pill popping too.

So what's stopping you coming out of your own closet?

---

More blog posts

---