Sensitivity – It’s a Great Gift

How to learn to live with it

17th August 2016

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A common line that parents throw at children is “Stop being so sensitive!” and it is one that I have definitely heard throughout my life from all angles. I’m pleased to see since the rise of social media that there are many writers blogging about the trials and tribulations of being an empath. One things for sure being sensitive is not anyone’s fault, it is hard wired into you from a very young age and possibly before birth. I am writing this from personal and from my clients’ experiences.

How is sensitivity experienced?

It’s different for everyone and here are some common signs:

• The habit of tuning into others and the ability to pick up on what they are thinking/feeling
• The ability to feel atmospheres and soak up the energy in a place, crowd or room. On a positive note you may feel euphoric at a Coldplay concert or on the downside you might feel absolutely drained fighting your way through a crowd in the January sales
• You have empathy for all living things and don’t want to kill anything and that included mice and spiders in your house!
• You pick up on and respond to the subtle cues of body language and tone in a way that others do not and possibly self-reject as a consequence
• You find yourself needing space to recover from most social or stimulating situations. This is more than the average introvert – a highly sensitive person may feel affected internally and need a strategy for recovery such as salt water baths, aromatherapy, meditation, stretching and relaxation
• You can feel what others are going through unconsciously. This is the toughest of all and really something that can make relationships extremely difficult at times. It’s important if this is your experience that you learn to manage this difference

Why am I like this?

Sensitivity one could argue is down to the planets, your childhood experience or your purpose in life! From a psychological point of view it is clear that many empathic people had a situation in their childhoods where one parent may have been absent, mentally unwell and/or another may not have been fully present.

As you can imagine for a child that is not getting their needs met they are highly adaptive and so if they feel that mummy is ‘sad/depressed/stressed’ then at a very young age they will learn not only to attune to the caregiver but also feel responsible to make them happy or OK again. It is also natural for a child to feel if things are not OK that they may have done something wrong or worse they are bad. So there is a lot of shame and guilt that comes with this sensitivity and that has to be addressed later in life.

There could be a variety of traumas however one theme is consistent in all the research done on this – the child developed the habit of attuning to the parent to sense ‘are they OK?’ and then when they find the parent is not OK they blame themselves. So as you grow up this turns into beliefs that ‘I’m bad’, ‘I’m responsible to make others OK’ and ‘I’m the supporter’ in the family.

What happens over time?

For a person with these patterns they become masters of empathy but they also carry a huge burden of taking on too much emotional responsibility in the family unit and later they will play that same pattern out in just about every relationship, team, group or organizational setting they become part of. We take our family blueprint with us everywhere we go.

The main consequence is a complex internal experience. On the one hand your friends love you because you are so caring and empathic but often you give too much of yourself and at worst lose yourself in relationships. If your ego or ‘sense of self’ is porous then the most obvious consequence is an inability to protect oneself from the many energies that come your way.

I found that I struggled to say no in all situations and as a young person I had no awareness of the need to protect myself because I had very little sense of self. On an inner level I was deeply insecure and lonely and I felt different and like there was ‘something wrong with me’ because for example if someone shouted at me their anger would actually go right into my heart and I had no way of stopping it from going inside. So I believed that I must be flawed in some way. It was only through therapy that I started to realise that I wasn’t alone in this.

How to make sense of sensitivity?

With this insight it becomes easier to develop a new and healthy relationship with sensitivity. In therapy a lot of the work is about reflecting on the subtle ways the individual gets impacted and exploring what’s valid and different about their experience. Secondly it’s about learning a series of strategies to work with on a daily basis for self-care and protection.

I have found the need to live away from big cities and be close to nature and if you don’t have that then simply applying some of the following tips might help:

• Get your shoes off and walk on the earth everyday and sit under trees if you feel your energy is polluted
• Take regular magnesium/Epsom salt baths to support with soaking up some of the emotions you may be carrying
• Do visualisations to clear your personal space
• In relationship – if you are ‘attuning’ to others and not taking enough care of yourself. Notice how your awareness jumps immediately to the other person and consciously come back to self frequently. You are not responsible for their feelings or making them OK
• Drink water – pure spring or distilled water throughout the day
• Learn to notice when you may be ‘caving in’ or ‘cancelling yourself out’ because someone else is making you wrong. It’s wise to come back to yourself and ask ‘What’s true for me right now?’
• Hold the intention to not worry about what others think of you. It will be a journey this one – so just keep holding that intent
• Listen to beautiful music, draw, write out your feelings and generally find a way to communicate your sensitivity and channel it into something that is a unique expression of you

Ultimately the world needs more empaths and the dominant energy out there is very much the opposite and so the spiritual journey of the empath is about self-love and acceptance. People may have abused you in the name of your sensitivity however it is a great gift to be honored and celebrated. Stand up and be proud of this difference and watch how the world responds.

If you would like to explore the roots of your sensitivity and figure out your own personal formula for living with it then let me know. Sessions are available via Skype too. Please like my Facebook page and see my site www.lotus.org.uk.

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