The Courage to be Human and You

8th July 2016

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We all have a primal need to belong. Remember the school playground or those teenage years of having the right bag or backcombed fringe? (in my case!!!) Most parents do their best to tell their child - 'You are YOU!......it doesn't matter if your gifts and talents are different.' However as we know most of that falls on deaf ears because everyone has a yearning to be seen, accepted and to belong exactly as they are. I'm going to be honest - this is something I've struggled with all my life and simultaneously I've always made choices that would be perceived by many as different. Whatever your blueprint was as a child it does tend to follow you - I was always on the edge, not in the popular gang, a deep thinker who questioned everything......not much has changed there then! So it's worth reflecting on your blueprint and how that has followed you in terms of how you see yourself within a family, team and organisation. You might have some insights...

We are all socialised to conform and fit in and this is so very visible in organisations and institutions that are very masculine by design. For years I wore navy suits pretty much all the time and learned the language of the organisation I was in. I also totally unconsciously dehumanised myself by only sharing what I thought was appropriate at work keeping my personal life private apart from with a select few close friends. I was constantly leaving parts of me out and when we do that we show up as only part of who we are. I was an interesting person (still am for that matter!) - I loved to travel and throw myself into totally different cultures and situations, I loved to read about spirituality and meditation, I loved raw and vegetarian food, I loved festivals and all things alternative but I just toned down what I shared for fear of being met by other peoples' cynicism followed by rejection.

So taking the step to run my own business 10 years ago was the point in which I simply thought enough is enough...no more conforming. I decided from that point onwards to show up as all of me and to be myself in all situations. However when you are completely yourself and pretty open it will make waves because the conditioning to belong runs so very deep. I binned my suits and started wearing dresses, I spoke openly about my lifestyle choices and took quite a bit of flack and I made it a habit to share more of what I did at the weekends and what matters to me. Looking back I can say it has served me and others tremendously. The people who resonate with my values are still choosing to work with me. There are some who have judged me for not having enough gravitas and for being too open and I'm OK with that.(took me a while!!!) I realised that I'm not about looking good for approval anymore - I'm about being comfortable in my own skin and giving others permission to be the same.

Holding any kind of difference is tough whether it be connected with gender, sexuality, culture, disability or a more subtle difference such as sensitivity or simply a choice like not eating meat or drinking alcohol. Immediately you share one of those 'choice' differences people often go into 'oh I don't eat much meat either' or they take the confronting approach... 'so why did you make that choice?' - 'Is it animal rights or just that it doesn't agree with you?'. Don't get me wrong I love it when people ask me about my choices however I'm sensitive to the fact that either I'm feeling judged or they are feeling judged simply by my choices.

So the learning in all this is that it really doesn't matter what others think. It's about learning how to hold my differences with pride and to embrace my own uniqueness and the uniqueness of everyone I meet. What we need is to give each other permission to show up as all of who we are.......especially at work!

I say forget having gravitas, being slick, polished and the finished article. Just be human and real and let's see what's more engaging! It might breathe some fresh air into organisations.

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